September 24, 2007

America, a mere 55 years ago today, two of my dearest friends were born in a litttle hospital in Pittsburgh Pennsylvania. They were tiny preemies, and only through the miracles of Science, did the Thornton twins survive at all.

One was destined for fame as a writer/ adventurer. And indeed the writings and exploits of Jim Thornton are known to millions of devoted fans. The other twin, John, went on to pursue art, theological interpretation, and computer programming and has become one of my closest advisors. Jim and John, Best of wishes to you both! And many more happy years!

On another matter, I have chosen this day to unveli my Racial Reparations Plan. This is LONG OVERDUE and when I am President, it will become a reality! Rusty's Racial Reparation Plan

September 23, 2007

Thank goodness that JohnnyBoy is even better at math than I am, because he caught a doozy of an error in my Strategic Tax Reform plan! It should be VERY reassuring to you, my fellow Americans, to realize that in the unlikely event of an error being made in the Scupperton Administration, my brilliant hybrid terrier is sure to catch it.

You can read all about this error and the steps we have taken to correct it in our press release! My Stategic Tax Reform Plan, Revised: a press release

September 21, 2007

Hello all! I have completely reorganized my website, dividing it into logical sections. There is a section for the Office of Communications, one for my Position Papers, one for News from the Campaign Trail, and even an Up Close and personal section.

Hopefully this will make it easier for you all to acces the information you need about my governmental plans for America.

Also I have announced today my long awaited Strategic Tax Reform Plan. Some are dubbing this plan, Rusty's "Soak The Rich Plan" and indeed, the Rich will not enjoy this plan, my friends. But justice has been a long time coming for them and they better get used to it. The vast majority of hard working citizens will benefit greatly from this plan, and the only ones whining will be the fat cats that feasted off the fat of the land during the Bush years. At long last, all our national needs will be within our grasp, National Healthcare, my Global Cooling Initiative, the Racial Reparations Act, and even the Maximum Security Bush Family Containment Center will be fully funded. Yes, a brighter day is coming for all of us and it will be paid for by the Rich!!!! My Stategic Tax Reform Plan

September 14, 2007

America, My old friend David Moughalian is a New Yorker and loves the Yankees. When a squirrel started appearing at Yankee Stadium and somehow made the Yanks win, Dave took notice!

You see my friend Dave is a very smart man with an eye for talent. He is the Dean of the Art Institute of New York, a lifelong liberal, and great helpmeet to the downtrodden. Several times over the years he intervened on behalf of my friend John R. Thornton, when John's employer, the Art Institute of Philadelphia, wanted to fire him. Dave realized that John may be incompetent as a teacher, but that is no reason that he should be fired. Anyhoo, Dave saw great political potential in this squirrel and asked Rusty's pet hybrid terrier JohnnyBoy to interview him. It is a fascinating exchange between two bright and charismatic creatures. You can access the interview from my home page or here: Lucky the Squirrel Interviewed by JohnnyBoy

September 10, 2007

I am, my Fellow Americans, ABSOLUTELY FURIOUS, at the attempt that has been made to Swiftboat me and my lovely wife Missy over some phony topless pictures scandal. This is a total fabrication by my opponents and I SIMPLY WILL NOT STAND FOR IT! We have decided to let Missy speak for herself. Here is a transcript of her statement to the Scupperton Falls Daily Intelligencer:

Hi y'all! This is Missy S. talkin' atcha! As you know, I have been a Fashion Model for years. Before I met Rusty, I have to say, I did a little bit of naughtiness with a fairly large number of men. But I swear, since the day I met Rusty, I ain't let NO MAN come near any of my lady parts or whatnot. The picture you might a' seen on the Internet is spozed to be me with my boobies hanging out lookin' over at Mitt Romney of all people. Well, I never met the man and by God I sure as shootin' wouldn't let him see my boobies! Rusty was sure somebody used one a' them computer program thingies to put my head on top of some other lady's body. Heck if he weren't right!

It turned out to be some Republican fella who worked for that gay guy Larry Craig. Apparently, Larry got Mitt all liquored up with a couple gallons of that 1% beer from Utah and then, when the poor man was to drunk to do anything about it, took pictures of him and Larry. Then, the three of them used that computer program to put me in to try to smear Rusty. They even tried to make it look like Bible Studier's Digest had something to do with it. As if Rusty's friend John R. Thornton could ever be part of such foolishness as that!!!!

Listen, I ain't sayin' ole' Mitt is a bad-lookin' guy or nothin', but hell, I'm married to Rusty. What woman in her right mind would wanna fool around with Mitt when they got theirselves a Rusty?

September 6, 2007

America, GET READY! have some very exciting news to report to you today! My old friend George Clooney has interviewed me and we have that "Chat" up on our site now. Georgie is a heckuva guy and a longtime supporter. I think you're going to enjoy our talk!

Labor Day 2007

Labor Day, my fellow Americans, Labor Day. Before we Scuppertons head off to our annual Labor Day Picnic, I must say that the Condition of American Labor is NOT GOOD, thanks to eight hard years of Republican Rule. Management is doing quite well but the Working Man and the Working Woman are not keeping up. I vow to you, my fellow citizens, that the first Labor Day of the Scupperton years, in 2009, will see a dramatic improvement in the lives of our working class. Be of good cheer despite the miseries of the present. Better times are ahead! I promise!

September 2, 2007

We have some excellent news to report to you today! The website now has two of my position papers so America can begin to see some of my plans for our future.

The first of these position papers addresses one of our most critical needs, how we can protect ourselves from any future attacks by the Bush Family. Do not fear, America, I will make sure they will never hurt us again!

My second position paper deals with the Environment. You will learn about my great environmental record in Scupperton Falls. You will also get the chance to meet one of the most beloved members of the Scupperton Family, our wonderful pet dog Johnny Boy.

September 1, 2007

My fellow Americans, I hope you are enjoying this wonderful day, made rotten by the Republicans. It is particularly rotten for one of their own, Republican Senator Larry Craig. The GOP (or Gawd Offal Party as I like to think of it) has made it clear that there is no place in its microscopically small tent for Senator Craig.

I just want to go on the record as saying that when I am President, Senator Craig and the Undercover Police Officer who arrested him will be permitted to legally marry each other in every state of this great land.

August 31, 2007

Hello America. How are you doing? Today I want to make a brief statement about the predicament of Idaho Senator Larry Craig. Mr. Craig, a Republican, has been a zealous proponent of what the Republicans call "traditional family values". He has been a fierce opponent of tolerance for our many Gay Americans. Yet he has plead guilty to engaging in Gay Footsie with an undercover police officer in the Minneapolis Airport.

I find Mister Craig's hypocrisy to be beyond the pale. I defend to the death Mr. Craig's right to play Gay Footsie, but, if you are going to walk the walk, you really should talk the talk.

Today I call on all Republicans, closeted or not, to put forth a bill to legalize same sex marriage not only in all of these United States, but also in Iraq, as long as we remain there.

August 30, 2007

Hello America. My name is Rusty Scupperton and I want to be your President!

After eight years of Bush rule, I hardly recognize America anymore. It is no longer the America that we all have known and loved, it is a dark and withered place, hated around the world, and I am here to tell you that this is all going to change as soon as I take office.

One of my most valued friends and supporters is the renowned artist/ philosopher John R. Thornton. John has graciously helped me put up this website so that I can get my message out to you, the People. With his help and your support the awful ruinations that the Bush family has visited upon our Land can and must be healed. My sleeves are rolled up, America, and I can't wait to get to work!