The Crucifixion of Thorntonius

When Thorntonius learned of the Lord’s Passion, in a Rage he flew upon Pontius Pilate saying, “Thou, who art like a Woman’s Parts, I spit on thee and wouldst cast Curses on thine Seed, if thou hast Seed, which I doubt.”

Whereupon Pilate bore Thorntonius up to Golgotha. Once he was nailed to a Cross, Thorntonius spake thus to the Romans, “Ha! I am not sore Afraid, and these Nails are like Caresses unto mine Body. Is that all thou hast for me, ye who stink like the Undergarments of the Whore of Babylon?”

Whereupon Pilate had two more Nails driven through the Good Man’s Head, one from the North and one from the East so as to make the sign of the True Cross inside his Noggin.

After the Romans had departed, the Widow of St. Castullus seized Thorntonius with her mighty Arms and Healed his Afflictions.

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